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Saturday, April 14, 2012

Chocolate Milk: A Historical Libation

There's just something about arriving back at your front steps after an arduous 60 minute run. With one thing on your mind, you worry about catching your breath on the way through the door to the kitchen where you know paradise is waiting for you in a cup.

Once widely regarded as a children's necessity, Chocolate Milk has become a staple to the runner's diet. Fortifying vitamins and minerals such as the calcium and vitamin D provided by the milk and the rich, elegant chocolaty taste provided by, well the chocolate, blend perfectly together to create a recovery drink from Heaven.

Studies often point to the numerous benefits offered by the regular ingestion of Mother Nature's nectar. But what empirical studies don't show is the widespread, understood benefits of this tasty liquid. For instance, it is widely accepted that the consumption of chocolate milk increases happiness and the longevity of life. We don't need a study to observe this. Just ask the people who have died from drinking chocolate milk. As it turns out, you can't (because chocolate milk has never had a fatal side effect).

In ancient times, chocolate milk was believed to flow from the heavens, sometimes even brought to earth by foreign celestial beings. We see evidence of these beings all across the globe, which suggests why chocolate milk has been a point of nutrition for centuries from civilization to civilization.

What do all the great leaders in the history of the world have in common? Well, they all at one point or another indulged in this divine beverage. It's very easy to see that chocolate milk has had more influence on the history of the world than any other substance known to man. Without the drink of the gods, it's terrifying to imagine where our society would be today. I can only offer this insight; the wheel would have been square, fire would only have existed on the sun, and Benjamin Franklin would have never invented electricity, or bifocals for that matter. Imagine the chaos that could have been.

So the next time you raise that cup full of God's delight, remember you are sharing a drink with history, with the best of the human race, and you are contributing to the rise and advancement of human civilization that is bound to extend itself to the far reaches of the universe.

So go ahead, enjoy the taste of immortality

1 comment:

  1. My friend this may be the finest piece of literature written by man. I miss your witty-cism. Miss you good buddy.